dunno why suddenly end up here again. haha. have not been blogging for ages. haiz.. now i wonder who will read this. no one knows the existence of this blog.. haha.. good good..

have been feeling very down recently.. maybe can say since the starting of the year. a level results disappointed me so much, even till now, i can say i still could not get it out of me.. maybe there are some pride within me. i am so depressed. but no one understands the fear that i feel, the things that i am worried about. feel disappointed with lots of ppl too. ppl just dun appreciate the things tat i do, or rahter ppl always take me for granted. really disappointing. even the ppl that i trust the most also failed me. haiz.. this is real life i guess. no one will make fren with u until they find the place tht they can gain advantage from u.. this is how i define a fren now.

have never been doin well in spritual life. there is still sth stuck there that i am not able to solve it, even it has been 2 years already. i can admit that there is totally no spiritual substance inside of me. but no one understand how i really feel. all they can say is 'u can do it one'. feel like running away, but i know i will bring troubles to myself and lots of ppl. or perhaps i am not really willing to leave. but i know i gotta choose for myself. either to go all the way, or just get out of this path. i am ashamed to see ppl growing in the Lord every single day, but yet i am sliding back each day, slide away to the extent tat there is no more room for me to slide back. it is miserable. i hope there is really someone out there that can help me out.

today my mum just told me she allow me to go to melbourne for holidays. but i am not that happy anymore. i dun really want to go there now, cos i am running away. but i will still consider to go there. i really need to take a break from my this weird world. i begin to hate the ppl who begins to show their power of possesion. i begin to see their true colours. sometimes outside frens appreciate me even more. sometimes i feel that there is no point to treat someone well, cos they never really aprreciate ur existence. or rather they feel that ur existence add on pressure and problems to their lifes. well, if this is the case, i will not bother u anymore. i promise one day i will.